Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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