I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
