we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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