Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
