The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
