don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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