You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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