Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
