Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
