CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I believe in your delicious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
