I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
