the condom got lost in my hair
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
