Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
