she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
