I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
