There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
