i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
