Kiss
Puke
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
