never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dignity is for republicans.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
