My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
