We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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