that's an acceptable place to lick
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
