you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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