I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
