Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
