In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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