let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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