Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
