I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
