What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
