From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
