and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
