i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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