I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
