do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
