is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
