According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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