herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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