Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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