I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
