its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
