Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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