We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
