You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
