In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
