You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
