ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
