Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
