we have pet lesbian snakes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
