I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
