Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
