I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
