you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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