Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
