I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
