I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
